“I’ll just deal with it.” Does this sound familiar?

Last week I shared a little about my postpartum mental health and said I would share more details this week, but something important happened 2 nights ago I want to share first. (I’ll still share what I planned but probably in a few more days.) This week was an important pivot in my postpartum mental health journey.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. I’ve talked about my suicidal ideation a little, but never felt comfortable talking about it more openly. During one of my most vulnerable & darkest moments, some “close” to me pushed me away, instead of being supportive. They told Zach to leave me and used phrases like “mentally unstable” - people I should’ve been able to lean on weaponized my weakness against me, perpetuating the stigma of mental health and suicidal ideation.

Summer 2019 // Summer 2020

Last summer I took this little nugget on her first beach trip - she was only the size of a head of lettuce and a LOT easier to travel with. A year later, she’s not so little & a VERY opinionated travel companion 🤪

Over here feeling whiplash because this has been the fastest month yet! Ollie is always on the move now - crawling all over the place and gets mad when we don’t let her crawl to the stairs 😜. She is so close to walking and we’ll be in big trouble as soon as she figures that out!

All of the heartache

all of the testing

the waiting

the bills

the sobbing prayers

questioning God

questioning ourselves

all of it.

 To the women who:

 

🎉 Baby Ollie just turned 9 months old! We just got back from her checkup tonight & I was so eager to see how much she has grown!

A couple summers ago (this week actually!), life threw me a major curveball. It was 100% out of nowhere, completely unjust, and threw my world upside down. I felt broken, like a failure, and saw my future disappear within seconds. Zach & I were just reflecting on this experience and how applicable this prompting was to another hurdle we are facing this year.

 

Just making dinner for everyone😜

🌿 blessed 🌿

When the pandemic cancelled our dreams of a big family gathering for her baby blessing in Oregon, I felt really sad bc we couldn’t give Ollie the celebration she deserved - the big gatherings & beautiful luncheons I’d seen countless other friends host for their children. And I felt like I had done something wrong since she was already 8 months old and much older than the usual age. I wanted to do everything I could to make our small event as special and symbolic as possible. We went up Big Cottonwood Canyon to snap a few pictures to remember her blessing day by - we just took these on our phones and they turned out so much better than I expected!