Why am I blogging?

As someone who has STRUGGLED deeply with depression, anxiety, and suicide for years, it has often been a hard choice to stay alive and endure to the next day. So this blog is my way of celebrating EVERY moment in life I've endured that darkness for--the vacations, miracles, joys, triumphs, the morning donuts (YUM), the crafts....even the hard lessons, struggles, and honest reflections on mistakes.

Good or bad, every moment of my life is so important to me because I make an active choice (sometimes daily) to keep living this life. These are all of the things I would have missed. I want to celebrate those moments and that enduring spirit.

I'm not here to celebrate the end of the tunnel--I haven't conquered this mountain yet. I know I will still have those hard days and consuming thoughts.

I know I'm not alone in this struggle. For those that are struggling, I want to talk about those good things in life that are worth holding on for. I want to talk about those hard things so you know you aren't alone. I hope you can find solace in my life, my choices, and my triumphs.

I love writing and I especially love speaking to others about depression, hope, suicide, mental illness, and the gospel. If you're interested in having me speak to your group, feel free to e-mail me!

About Me:

I am a Dartmouth grad, with a degree in neuroscience. Attending Dartmouth was an absolute dream come true - four of the best years of my life and I am forever thankful I was given such a great opportunity.

I am a convert to the LDS church. I actually grew up HATING religion and thinking it was a crutch for the weak. I never EVER thought I would be religious so my conversion was an interesting turn of events for me! I love love love love Jesus and gaining a testimony of his Atonement has been life changing for me.

Whenever I tell people I am a Latter-day Saint, I always feel the need to explain myself a little more. Despite being a member of a generally conservative church culture that seems to emphasize traditional gender roles, I do not ascribe to those political and cultural tenants as closely as other Christians & Latter-day Saints. I consider myself moderate politically, finding good on both sides of the aisle. I feel strongly about equality for women and people of color. I try to follow Jesus Christ's example of loving everyone and backing policies that best promote that ideal of equality amongst all people. 

I am married to one of the kindest, gentlest, and most creative people I've ever known. I met Zach in 2014 in Oregon and after a year of dating, we moved to Utah so he could go to school. After 2 years of dating, we were married in 2016 in the Provo City Center Temple. As someone who NEVER EVER thought she would be "good enough" to get married, this has been the most meaningful and important aspect of my life.

The other little things:
- Donuts are always always always my favorite treat/breakfast/anytime food.
- My drink of choice: Diet Dr Pepper with sugar-free coconut syrup. I have to restrain myself from drinking it constantly.
- I am a lazy low maintenance girl who dreams of being a high maintenance makeup/beauty goddess.
- Spring is my favorite season and I dream of a home constantly filled with peonies, ranunculus, and tulips.
- Zach & I are alllllll about Harry Potter. There is no other fandom in our house.
- If I could, I would only ever eat In-N-Out burgers or guacamole.

Ok, that's enough talking about me for now. If you want to know more, don't hesitate to ask!