A Pumping Update
July 16, 2020
Just making dinner for everyone😜
I haven’t really posted much about pumping bc how we feed our babies is such an emotional topic, but it’s also such an everyday part of my life now that it felt mundane to talk about. I regret not sharing more over the last 9 months bc I wish I’d known women who exclusively pumped when I started. I felt like such a failure when I couldn’t nurse and then felt stupid for choosing to pump instead of using formula 100% - knowing others out there would have made such a difference for me postpartum.
I didn’t think I’d make it this long. The mental & physical toll was so much at times - I had to just take it day by day because it was so stressful. Trying to pump when she was awake was so hard because she would get fussy (& it’s almost impossible to pick up and soothe a baby with bottles hanging off your chest! 😩) Then I would stress about how much I was producing, etc. Bringing the pump everywhere with me - pumping in closets during meetings, driving in rush hour, etc.
I’m not sure how much longer I’ll pump - I started losing my supply when Ollie was 4 months. I’ve been fighting my body for 5 months to keep producing. I’ve tried every trick to no success. From 0-4m I was producing 100% of her needs. Now I work really hard to produce 1 bottle a day. Everyday I wake up and worry I’ve dried up & it’s over.
I support any mom’s choice about feeding her babIes. The hardest part for me is feeling like I didn’t get to have a choice. I really wanted to have the nursing experience (even just once!) and I didn’t want to lose my supply. I felt like a failure. After years of feeling like my body was broken bc of my weight & then infertility...this felt like one more way I wasn’t “normal.” I know many of you have struggled with nursing & have felt this.
All that said, I AM really grateful for what I’ve been able to do. It’s not what I hoped, but I’ve learned my worth as a mother is not measured in oz or nursing sessions. And as hard as it has been, I’m not ready for it to be over.
If you have pumping questions, let me know! I’m not an expert, but I will do my best to answer and support your journey!❤️
(peep my fave bra from @milkfulmom!)
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