elyse: August 2015

Moving Away Isn't As Magical As The Internet Promised

Time for some real talk:

For years I dreamt of leaving Oregon. In fact, I never wanted to go back to Oregon when I did (more on that another time). I daydreamed about different cities I could move to (LA, NYC, Boston, DC, abroad) and the programs I could enter (humanitarian work, grad school, traveling and working odd jobs, the "dream" job). I saw people post on social media about glamorous wanderlust dreams.

It's so simple, right? Just pack up your bags, get in a car/plane/train/boat/mule/carrier pigeon, and go explore! So romantic and magical!

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, by Elyse

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Eastward to Utah

After saying many goodbyes to so many important people and places, I spent my last day in Oregon packing everything I could possibly need (and would fit) into the back of my car. I only needed to furnish my bedroom, and didn't think spending $800+ on a moving truck/trailer was worth the cost for just moving some of my bedroom furniture. I only really needed a bed, a bedside table, a desk and chair. Why spend hundreds of dollars and effort lugging them 900 miles, when I could buy new things for a fraction of that cost and effort (holla IKEA & Target!) I also didn't really NEED a real bed, so I'm electing to sleep on an air mattress for the next few months. It's free, light, and can be easily stuffed under a sear in my car. Perfect!

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, by Elyse

life

My Last Day As A Temple Worker // Farewell To Oregon

I'm currently driving 14 hours to Utah, but if I was still in Oregon, I'd be here today. I had my last shift as an ordinance worker in the Portland Oregon Temple last Wednesday. I only served there a few months, but they had the most impact on my temple appreciation and testimony within the last 8 years.

The Portland Temple had been closed for 2 weeks prior to my shift, so I wasn't able to attend or serve there during that time. As soon as I arrived on the grounds, I realized how much I missed visiting it during those 2 weeks. I truly felt like I was coming home. I was full of mixed feelings that day--while I was incredibly happy to be back, I was also sad because I knew this would be my last shift. The temple was the first goodbye I had to deal with before the move. I even teared up a bit as I changed out of my white dress and had to say goodbye to my trainer.

The temple is a place that has saved my life on a few key occasions. One particular dark night, I asked God why I shouldn't commit suicide. He told me "Just wait until you go to the temple tomorrow. Then you can make a decision." When I got to the temple the next day, the grounds were bursting with tulips, my favorite flower, and my heart was instantly filled with happiness by the sight. That, of course, wasn't enough to pull me out of the darkness. Once inside the temple, I prayed again "Why should I hold on? What am I staying alive for?" The answer didn't come instantly. But it came--the temple was why I needed to hold on. My ancestors were why I needed to hold on. They still needed me on the earth. That answer came so powerfully to my soul, and in some of the dark moments of suicidal temptation that inevitably followed, I have relied on that answer.

6 thoughts

, by Elyse

life

My Ward That Became Home // Farewell To Oregon

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my wonderful ward and the people in it. I didn't realize it was going to be so hard to say goodbye to everyone--you never know how much something means until you have to leave it.

I was originally planning on having Zach give me a blessing before I journeyed off to Utah, but I decided it would be even more fitting if I had a member of the bishopric give me a father's blessing before I go. In my faith, a father will typically give a father's blessing to his children during important transitions in their lives, like before the beginning of the school year, etc. As a convert, I never had a father who could give me a blessing...or really a father at all. But Brother Snyder has been like my adoptive father for the last 5 years: he's filled that role magnificently and been a huge support for me. I've spent hours crying to him, asking for advice, sharing my joys with him, etc. This is a HUGE transition in my life, so I felt it only fitting to have this man give me a father's blessing before I left (probably the only one I'll have in my life.) I also had Bishop Wight (another father figure who has been a huge resource) and Zach take part in the blessing circle. It was a BEAUTIFUL blessing: we were all very emotional by the end and it was a touching and perfect goodbye to these men who have impacted me so much.

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, by Elyse

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11 Essential Lessons I Learned While Lost in Life // My Final Testimony in Oregon

This last Sunday in Oregon: I’ve replayed it over and over in my head for 5 years. This is a moment and a day I honestly thought would never occur. As much as I daydreamed about leaving Oregon and moving on, I really thought that would never be a reality for me. I delivered my last talk in the Eugene YSA ward (congregation) this morning, was released from my callings, and wrapped up my time here.
Five years is a long time to spend in one ward as a young single adult. I am filled with mixed emotions: moving away has been my dream for five years and I am so excited to take on Salt Lake City...but I will miss this ward and these people terribly.
After I gave my talk, some asked to see a transcript of it to read later. I've summarized the majority of my talk (i.e., left out all of my rambling and lame jokes) below:
1. Jump in & bloom where you’re planted.

I moved back to Eugene in 2010, promising myself that I wouldn’t be here long. I didn’t apply for grad programs here because I said “I’m not going to be here beyond a year.”

And I told myself that EVERY year as 5 years quickly ticked by. I missed so many opportunities by not just jumping in where I was. You never know how long you’ll be in a certain area or time in your life. Take full advantage of every opportunity.

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, by Elyse

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Farewell to Oregon: The Last Coast Trip

Last weekend we ventured up the Oregon coast for a big YSA beach activity. We love the coast and wanted to go one last time before moving, so this was a perfect excuse. Except--we get there and it's raining! We stopped in this candy shop and the owner says "Yeah, we haven't had rain for 4 months until today! The summer has been so pleasant!" We were so thrilled:

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, by Elyse

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Farewell to Oregon: Scandi Fest!!

In the last few weeks before the official move to Utah, we hit up the Scandinavian Festival up in Junction City! (Fun fact: last summer I was too nervous to invite Zach to come with me...little did I know that he liked me and just days later we'd end up dating. Missed opportunity!)

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, by Elyse

life

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Welcome to my little corner of the internet!

As someone who has STRUGGLED deeply with depression, anxiety, and suicide for years, it has often been a hard choice to stay alive and endure to the next day. So this blog is my way of celebrating EVERY moment in life I've endured that darkness for--the vacations, miracles, joys, triumphs, the mundane details, the midnight donuts (YUM), the crafts....even the hard lessons, struggles, and honest reflections on mistakes.

Good or bad, every moment of my life is so important to me because I make an active choice (sometimes daily) to keep living this life. These are all of the things I would have missed. I want to celebrate those moments and that enduring spirit.

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, by Elyse

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Moving Away Isn't As Magical As The Internet Promised

Eastward to Utah

My Last Day As A Temple Worker // Farewell To Oregon

My Ward That Became Home // Farewell To Oregon

11 Essential Lessons I Learned While Lost in Life // My Final Testimony in Oregon

Farewell to Oregon: The Last Coast Trip

Farewell to Oregon: Scandi Fest!!

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