A Quick Thought on World Mental Health Awareness Day

October 10, 2017

It's World Mental Health Awareness Day and I just wanted to share a few thoughts. I had planned on doing a live video instead but frankly my nerves got the better of me - maybe next year!

As a lot of my friends know, I've struggled with depression, anxiety & suicidal ideation for most of my life, starting before age 5. It got worse as I aged and I saw the worst of it start in college - I made plans to kill myself or disappear frequently and felt like I would crumble under the weight of my mental anguish. I felt so ashamed of having mental illness - my closest friends were always generally happy and seemed annoyed and dismissive when I was down.

I've always hated myself and this self loathing grew each year. It ruined my confidence, my ability to have healthy friendships, my relationship with God, etc. These feelings increased after college, as I floated through a bad job market and tried to find some nugget of hope to build on. I've spent the majority of the last 10 years thinking I had no future to live for and made countless plans to end it.

When I was 19, I thought I would never live to see 30 and now I'm less than 2 months away! I'm not cured by ANY means, but I'm in a much better place than I've been in the last 10 years. Mental health is NOT a one size fits all experience - everyone has a different cause and will have different tools to heal & fight it.

I don't share my experience to get sympathy or whatever - I just wanted to share in case there is someone out there who feels like they're in this fight alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and have people who love you. I know when you're in the middle of the darkness, your mind will tell you that no one cares and it won't get better but it's wrong! The darkness & anguish you feel is a BIG FAT LIAR and is NOT permanent. The sun will rise again for you and your future is worth sticking around for.

Whoever you are, wherever you live, you aren't alone! I don't care if we've never met or haven't talked in a long time - I am here for you! Send me a message, text, carrier pigeon, whatever! I am in your corner and will help you fight it 💪🏻

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