I Don't Want Pregnancy To End

October 10, 2019

Is it possible to feel excitement & grief about the same thing at the same time? My heart can’t make up its mind. I want to meet this baby more than anything, but I find myself SO emotional about not being pregnant anymore.

The first half of this pregnancy seemed to last forever - probably because we hadn’t told many people and I lived in fear every moment of miscarriage. Time seemed to drag from week to week - I lived for the days when my pregnancy apps would switch to a new week & I could read all about the development and how big she was getting. I remember thinking it was SO COOL she was finally the size of a grape!

Now we are in the last 2 weeks, she’s a LOT bigger than a grape, and it feels like time has completely slipped away in a blink. I am going to miss being pregnant more than I thought. Maybe it’s because I’ve been lucky to have had a relatively easy pregnancy - no throwing up, no complications, no major pain, no real weight gain. Maybe it’s because this might be the only pregnancy I get.

I feel so deeply grateful to have been able to carry this child, especially since I thought it would never happen. I cherish every single moment I’ve had during this journey. While I can’t wait to meet her and I know it will be so much sweeter with her on the outside, I’ll admit I’m incredibly sad to end this stage of life. The last 9 months are some I never want to forget.

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