Dealing With Birth Fears

October 20, 2019

This might be the most scared & nervous I’ve ever felt in my life. About 2 months ago it hit me that I’ll actually have to go through labor and give birth - something I’ve researched & read about in the abstract, but this week I’ll actually have to do it! It’s not like almost anything else where you can practice & prepare before the real thing. I have no idea how labor will feel, if my pelvis will be big enough, if there will be complications, all of it! And I have to do it THIS WEEK!

There’s no way to truly prepare for the first time, which is the worst nightmare for someone like me with MAJOR clinical anxiety. I told my doctor “I hope I have the most boring & forgettable birth of your career.” 🤣🤣🤣

But as I’ve been sitting in these feelings the last couple months, I’ve also remembered who brought this baby here.

She shouldn’t exist.
Every dr said this wasn’t physically possible.
We were preparing for surgery, medication and possibly IVF/ICSI.
We were saving our pennies for fertility procedures.
We were optimistically hoping we’d have a baby in December 2020 at the absolute soonest.
Drs said this was like winning the lottery with a ticket we didn’t have.

Yet here I am, feeling kicks and rolls, preserving ultrasounds, watching my stomach grow. Against all odds.

So as I have sat in my fear & recalled her truly miraculous conception, the prompting came to my mind:
“Trust in Who made her.”

I believe God can work miracles. At least, that’s my only explanation for how she got here. And I know They wouldn’t miraculously send her here and then not help me through it.

”Before I ​​​formed​ thee in the belly I ​​​knew​ thee” (Jeremiah 1:5)

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