Saying Goodbye to Maternity Leave

March 05, 2020

I started back to work full time without Ollie this week & am feeling allll the things 😭. I was so LUCKY to have a flexible leave plan so I could work at home & bring her to the office as necessary, stretching my leave longer. I was thrilled to be able to work & not leave my team in a lurch, but still get so much time with Ollie. I have the best boss on earth who allowed me to be so flexible AND loved holding Ollie when she would come with me (can I get an AMEN for men who support women like this?! 🙏🏻🙌🏻) 

But holy moly it was HARD. I knew being a new mom would be overwhelming but I had no idea how hard it would be to take care of Ollie while also pumping, working, attending meetings, planning holidays, keeping our home running and trying to buy a house at the same time! My anxiety was unbearable when I went to the office bc I was scared she’d be fussy or we’d annoy people. My depression hit hardest at night, when I felt like I hadn’t done enough & was failing as a mom, wife & employee.

On my hardest days, I was so looking forward to this transition. Now that I’m here, I’m an emotional mess. Is it really over? 4 months went by so fast - wasn’t I just prepping for labor yesterday? I cried a lot in the first day back. Thankfully we are blessed to have Zach’s sister taking care of Ollie & trust her 7592958%, making this so much easier on me.

I’m sad that the “new mom” phase is over & my motherhood journey is making a major pivot. I miss the little moments we had each day & our routine together. I’m worried she won’t recognize me or know that I’m her mom. But I know we are making the best choice for our family right now, even if it’s hard.

Isn’t that what we all do though? We all choose differently, but it’s always in the best interest of our family.
If you stay at home, you have a HARD job.
If you work outside the home, you have a HARD job.
If you work from home w/ kids, you have a HARD job.
If you’re fighting and praying to get those precious babies to your family, you have such a HARD job.

No situation is better or worse or without its own set of unique challenges and emotions. We all love our children and do our very best to keep them happy & healthy

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