New Motherhood // Pumping

November 26, 2019

I graduated! 🎉🎉🎉 (Ok, not really but I sure feel like it today!)

A little unfiltered new motherhood moment from today - I know some of you don’t care about this & that’s cool but I also know a lot of you are preparing to be moms, are currently new moms, or moms who remember these early days & have given me so much encouragement & advice over the last 9 months. This is for you (& anyone else who cares to listen today) ❤️

I snapped this grainy selfie right before I returned my hospital grade pump. My new personal pump arrived today and I can’t tell you HOW excited I am to get rid of this 20lb ball & chain. I mean, I am so grateful for it - it helped me establish & maintain a supply this month (even putting 50oz in storage!), but it has meant being chained to a wall outlet with this heavy box for 3+ hours a day. The most stressful parts of my day were trying to pump and then Ollie wakes up or cries and I have to stop or try to soothe/hold her, tethered to the wall with crap hanging off my chest.

While it has been so useful, it has also been a reminder of the early days when I was struggling so much and stressing about being a new mom. Feeling like a failure bc Ollie couldn’t latch. Knowing it was bc something was wrong with my body - add that to my list of body issues 🙄.

Exclusive pumping is HARD you guys. It’s the worst of nursing & formula feeding - double the time of nursing, not easily portable, no physical bonding, and I still have all the bottles & pump parts to clean like formula feeding.

I’ve felt shamed from both sides of feeding philosophy. People who formula feed told me to just give up. People who nurse told me to not stop trying, at any cost. Neither felt right to me.

Getting rid of this pump feels like a new chapter in this experience - getting rid of the shame about my body, stop putting pressure on me & Ollie, choosing to be ok if she never latches, leaving those bad memories in the past, etc.

To all you future & current mamas - I’m here to say however you feed (or fed) your baby is a personal choice and is totally ok! You don’t need that shame in your life! Follow your gut and do what you feel is best for you & baby ❤️

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