New Motherhood // Learning to Slow Down

November 11, 2019

When I snapped this today, I had no intention of sharing it. It was just for me, just to remember this season of my life - my first weeks of motherhood. I actually don’t think I’ve ever posted a picture of myself like this - no makeup, dirty hair thrown in a tangled bun, sitting in my robe, nursing bra & adult diaper. This is basically how I’ve been living & looking for the last 2.5 weeks. Very glam, don’t be jealous 😜

One of the biggest adjustments I’ve had to make in motherhood is letting go of my own plans & slowing wayyyyy down. I had a small breakdown last night because I haven’t been as productive as I wanted to be over the last 2.5 weeks. My to do list is growing, not shrinking. I’ve felt like such a failure because I expected I could get a lot more done each day at home.

Ollie wouldn’t settle down this afternoon and I was frustrated. She needed to be held in a certain position in order to fall & stay asleep. But I wanted to get things done!! As I felt her snuggle her little body against mine, I was reminded that she won’t always want to be this close. That hearing my heartbeat and cuddling won’t always soothe her. I won’t always be able to physically hold her with one arm.

Every night when she goes to sleep, I beg her to stop growing. I remember each night that she won’t be this little forever. I may never have another child so this may be the last time I have a newborn. Every milestone may be the only one I have. And for sure - they will be the only ones I have with Ollie. Her life is going to fly by.

And while I can remember that each night when she looks just a little older than the night before, I tend to forget it when the sun comes up and I feel the pull of the outside world. So today, I put my phone & computer aside, ignored the chores, sat on the couch, and let her cuddle into my body as long as she wanted. I don’t know the last day she’ll want to do this, but I know it’ll be too soon for me.

(And yes I sobbed the entire time I wrote this. #hormones 🤷🏻‍♀️)

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