New Motherhood // Postpartum

February 10, 2020

Last week on Instagram Stories I shared about my postpartum mental health and starting therapy. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for letting me be honest, your supportive DMs, for accepting my unglamorous self. Just - thank you for being my friend! I feel like I can just talk candidly like we’ve known each other for years. (Next step - you all need to meet each other!) I’ve also received a lot of negative DMs and comments recently, which tells me we still have a LONG way to go in supporting moms.

Knowing how many of you have experienced depression & anxiety (postpartum or not) or are scared about going through it in the future…I am willing to be as open as possible with you during my experience.

This picture - what I would give to go back to this moment. Everything changed the minute we went upstairs to recovery. I was so overwhelmed & tired after delivery that I didn’t really comprehend what had just happened. I was exhausted & wired at the same time. (If I could do it over, I’d kick everyone out for 5-10 min so I could be alone with her one last time before we met the world.) When we got home, I thought I had dodged postpartum mental health issues. I didn’t feel sad, so I wasn’t depressed, right? I was numb. A little detached. It was easy to distract myself from feelings by entertaining all the family in town for a few weeks.

As soon as everyone left and I was alone all day with Ollie, the feelings hit hard. I was overwhelmed & guilty. I felt like I was doing everything wrong. I wasn’t sure I was her mom bc I didn’t feel like I had that “mom magic" to soothe her or that she knew me from anyone else. Too anxious to leave the house. Going through infertility, I didn’t expect to feel anything less than constant grateful bliss, so I felt an extra layer of guilt there. The last 3.5 months have felt like a blur and I feel like this time has been stolen from me.

Talking about this is hard. I feel weak and ashamed. I am afraid of judgement. But it’s important to normalize it. It’s ok to get help! Parent or not, we all need to support one another to be our best selves to serve the world around us. I’m here to support you. ❤️

You Might Also Like

0 thoughts