Opening Up about Infertility

November 19, 2018

You’ve only seen a portion of our lives over the last 2 years. Our trips, fun things, my ramblings, and *some* struggles. We’ve been carrying a weight with us for the majority of our marriage that we’ve kept hidden from almost everyone. It’s been too scary to talk about it.

I was scared of judgment, questions I wasn’t ready for, and most of all - I wasn’t ready for it to feel REAL yet. And if we talk about it, it becomes real. I could cope with it behind closed doors, feeling like it was just “normal life” and not an actual problem.

Infertility. Man, just typing that word is so freaking RAW you guys. We have been trying, praying, hoping for a baby for about 2 years - and maybe that doesn’t seem long, but it feels like lifetimes when you spend most of those days tracking, testing, trying, and hoping to see that little + ...only to deal with the (very literal) pain that comes when you aren’t pregnant.

We’ve had a few glimmers of hope. But those early losses resulted in greater pain than I thought I could handle, physically, emotionally & spiritually. The 1st one was heartbreaking, but the 2nd and 3rd were absolutely demoralizing. Just makes you want to stop trying at all.

I’ve had lots of doctors appointments, lots of tests and so far, no answers or solutions. No PCOS, no endometriosis, none of the usual suspects. Next month we are headed to our first visit with a specialist to pursue other avenues.

I’ve had promptings to share this for the last 18 months and have been putting it off out of fear. But the feeling has only grown stronger with time.

I always want to be honest & vulnerable with my life, so others don’t feel alone. Infertility & miscarriage affect SO many, but is rarely talked about, so I hope sharing our experiences can be a benefit to someone else.❤️❤️❤️

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