Choosing Faith During Grief

June 11, 2018

“Faith in God includes faith is His timing.” - Neal Maxwell

This weekend was a hard one. As we had to mourn a loss for the 3rd time, I felt I was at a breaking point. How much more heartbreak could we take? Why continue to get our hopes up for the future? I put on a happy face in public, but have been a mess at home. I yelled and yelled at God, refusing to pray but secretly wishing He’d show up to comfort us.

While I’m still in physical pain, and Zach & I are still depressed, I can think a little clearer this evening than I could Friday or Saturday. I’m choosing to honor the silver linings. Our marital bond and love has grown stronger & deeper. I’ve felt the presence of my angel grandmother so close tonight, as if she was sitting on my bed holding my hand, weeping with me. That single experience with her is worth more than I can express.

While I yell at God like a hurt child, I know They love us. I know God can’t prevent the trials of mortality but know the Savior walks unseen next to us. I’m maddeningly frustrated that I can’t see the future and feel crazy that life isn’t happening when WE want it to. But faith includes faith in His timing. Really the hardest part, right?

If you’re going through a season of grief, frustration, uncertainty, unmet expectations - it doesn’t have to break you. I don’t have a perfect answer for why these things happen to us, but I know it’s our choice if we pick ourselves up and try again another day. Keep holding on - the sun will rise again for you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.❤️

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