It's ok to struggle with your faith // Remembering my real foundation

March 25, 2018

Hi friends, just wanted to share a few small thoughts I've been having about faith, especially as I've been trying to understand what's happened with the MTC case recently. I wrote a little up on Instagram tonight, but wanted to share a little more up here.

If your faith is shaky, if you feel hurt or mad or confused, if you don’t know up from down in the gospel right now, I see you. Yesterday afternoon I just cried and cried, confused and lost myself. (This MTC case has really thrown me for a loop you guys)

I was told some people think I have some kind of blind faith or acceptance about my religion and that’s just not true. I have STRUGGLED since before I was baptized and 10 years later, I still find some things a hard pill to swallow. I get mad, I get hurt, and there are things I don’t understand. There are seasons of solid ground but definitely times where I feel like I’m on the edge and just want to jump off.

Today, I was teaching our Primary kiddos about the Atonement and Resurrection and I was SO overcome with emotion I could barely get the words out. I was immediately reminded that THIS is what it’s all about. Not cultural idiosyncrasies, not flawed men making poor poor choices in the organization, not a rogue line of scripture that makes no sense to me. It’s Jesus. It’s Him. And He is simple. He is perfect. When I want to jump off the edge of the gospel & church, He shows up and pulls me away.

I really don’t know why I’m sharing this, just feeling like if I don’t, my brain will explode. Maybe just to say: if you’re struggling too (now or anytime), just know you aren’t alone. Faith is HARD. Mortality is messy & confusing. There is no shame in struggle, doubt, anger, confusion, questions, etc.❤️

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