First Mother's Day

May 11, 2020

32 years old and I finally got my breakfast in bed 😭😭😭 

I think Ollie was wondering where her food was - check out the BEST picture of her eyeing my breakfast. It’s my new lock screen 😜 Anyone have a good caption for it? My fave so far is from my sister who said “When she said she didn’t want her own fries but then yours come to the table.” 🤣🤣🤣

Mother’s Day feels so surreal to me. It still feels like my mom’s day, you know?? It can be torture when you’ve experienced infertility or loss or unmet expectations. I’ve spent years feeling meh about it - happy to celebrate my mother, but depressed about my own future. When I was an older single adult, I wondered if I would ever get married & have children. Then after trying for years and being told it wasn’t possible, I lost most of the hope I had left. I still can’t believe this is real life.

I got married later than most of my friends and became a mom much later than almost everyone I know, but I’d wait decades more if it meant I’d end up with Zach & Ollie. I’d go through the heartache & tests & tears & angry prayers a million times over to get to her. I forever feel unworthy to be her mom, but so grateful I have the chance to try. ❤️❤️❤️

(Shout out to Zach - he did a wonderful job of spoiling me with cooking, alone time, my favorite flowers (peonies), and a surprise yet to be delivered. My sister was so sweet and sent me the best cookies right when I was craving them. I feel so loved by all of those that sent me sweet messages - thank you for supporting & celebrating my journey to motherhood ❤️)

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