It's Ok to Not Be Ok

January 07, 2018

Friendly reminder: it’s ok to not be ok. You don’t have to have it all together or be perfect or happy 24/7.

This weekend I was hit by a depressive episode I still don’t understand. “Hit” is the best word I have to describe it - it’s like I was driving down a highway in the sun and a deep fog came out of seemingly nowhere and enveloped my mental car. I couldn’t get out of bed all day Saturday and it was honestly a miracle I could get myself dressed & at church this morning. Everything - my life, relationships, religion, the universe - felt meaningless and I felt there was no purpose in anything. I felt incredibly numb to the world around me. Even basic human needs did nothing to stir me - I hadn’t eaten all day and was having hunger pains, but didn’t care enough about myself to eat, even just to get rid of the discomfort.

I am honestly so ashamed to share this and I don’t tell this story to get pity or fish for compliments. As I’ve been coming out of this fog, the only thing I’ve felt grow brighter is that I needed to tell this story tonight for someone - I honestly have no idea who you are! I just have had this continual prompting to write this out and share. Even just to say IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK. It’s ok to be sad and not know why. You don’t need a reason to justify to anyone. It’s ok to be going through a hard time. You are worthy of love & acceptance, mental illness or not. You are NOT a burden or a failure. You don’t have to be perfect or happy 24/7. In this season of goals and striving for perfection, show yourself grace & compassion when the fog shows up. The fog will lift, the sun will grow brighter again. ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

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