I Couldn't Imagine This

July 15, 2019

I literally ::couldn’t:: imagine a time like this.

I spent most of my 20s unable to see a future worth sticking around for. I felt like the universe was kicking me over and over again - lots of major obstacles & disappointments. I felt directionless, hopeless & trapped. I thought about suicide often and when I felt “better,” I still felt like I was building a coffin around myself, getting deeper in the quicksand, and I’d never get out of my situation as long as I lived.

This life I’m living now - not only did I believe it wasn’t possible for me, I didn’t even have the capacity or hope to daydream about it. Marriage, a great job, and expecting a baby. But maybe more importantly - feeling peace. Feeling HOPE. Able to daydream about the future. All seemingly impossible just a few years ago.

Zach & I both hit milestones in our jobs this month that I imagined were years in the future and, overcome by gratitude, caused me to really reflect on how much my life has changed in a seemingly short amount of time. I owe it 100000000% to God who can transform any mess into a masterpiece.

I wish I could go back to that girl in the past & hold her tight & tell her that everything works out better than she could imagine. Since I can’t, I want to tell YOU:

If you feel like you can’t catch a break,
you keep getting kicked down,
you feel trapped,
& unable to see a way out....

Things will get better.
It might not be fast, but hope will come.
The sun will rise & shine again for you.
Don’t give up.
You have a future worth living & THRIVING for. Don’t let go. Don’t give up. ❤️❤️❤️

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